Love after Love by Derek Walcott
(by jess k)
Do you know how much we hate goodbyes? We hate it so much that we could fill a thousand pails of it. We lose people that we love. I lost some but I won’t enumerate them because that is something i do not have to point it out here. There are two types of goodbyes, one is leaving without a note and another one is leaving with a note. Leaving without any words or note left hurts. You know that person was having fun with you then the next day he/she left with no reasons at all. That is like witnessing a falling star, no news of coming then no stopping for leaving. If that hurts, what’s worse is knowing that someone will leave. I witnessed this kind of moment, saying goodbye, hugging, then watching that person walk away with his/her back on me, daring not to look to avoid a tear from falling down. Seeing that person walkaway with his/her last words echoing in your head hurts the most. In fact, goodbye is a really painful word because you have to let things go even when you’re not yet ready. Let’s say, like you’re forced to give your favorite blanket to someone who needs it the most. No one can really handle goodbyes, not even the strongest one.
The first stage is becoming honest. Goodbyes are something that makes us honest with our feelings.That’s why we breakdown after losing something because we realized how much it actually means and this will lead to the second stage which is regretting. You regret that you didn’t stay longer; you regret that you didn’t do something to make him/her stay; you regret that you didn’t say your feelings; you regret, that’s it. Regretting will go on forever. We regret things we didn’t do more than things we did, most especially if it’s about a special person. While the scar of regretting is still there, the next stage, which is emptiness, will occur. There are days when you don’t want anything, you just want to sit in one corner and think of nothing else. There’s nothing much to say about emptiness because this is like the break time for moping around. After that comes longing, the fourth stage. You longs for that person’s touch, voice, face, smile, laugh, and every little things you noticed. You want no one else but him/her. After the longing state, comes the fifth stage, the illusional part. You start imagining moments with him/her that will never happen. There are days where you would talk to him/her when actually you are only talking to the empty space beside you. Then there are times when you would hear his/her voice when actually it is just in your head. This stage is really depressing because you cannot quite distinguish reality and fantasy. You made your own world to escape pain. Then after that depressing stage, I hope you now found yourself but if not yet, it’ll go back to the first stage. It will go on and on until time slows it down and fixes you. It’s a long process but if you try to help yourself, then it might be shorter.
I really hate goodbyes because it always haunt me. The images of the person kept on playing in my mind as if the replay button got jammed. Goodbyes are like multiplication table that you have to memorize over and over again until you can say spontaneously. It is as if it’s telling us something, like a lesson. To conclude this, I think what goodbye is trying to tell us is to be strong. Life is really messy but it want us to leave it with a wise mind and a brave heart. It wants us to close the door and choose the right one. Goodbye is telling us, “it was nice knowing you, now i have to leave,” but is actually whispering, “be brave.”
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Before and after photo of me and my best friend, Wendy. Ooh! Look for the difference. Hehehe. ;) <3
omg I love this so much
This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.